WEIRD CAMPUS EXPERIENCES

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Growing up and going through our tough primary and high school system for those of us who went to polling stations not those group of schools that have fancy diets and Board of Directors.My dream was to finish the 8:4:4 system by joining the university,University of  Nairobi to be specific.

There was this perception built overtime as all the fine girls you meet in town were from The University of Nairobi. But after working hard I managed to make it to campus,however, I no longer have the zeal to be there, all the zest was like some hot air that with no time ran out.

My first week in campus, to be precise my first Friday, my roommate calls to inform me that he will be having a friendly match with a girl he had met earlier that day. Still a rookie, I had no friends crush with so as to wish the night away. I opted for a nearby local where I sought solace in those pocket friendly liver damaging drinks which I won’t mention today.

The local did not live up to my expectations. I had this wild thought of girls dancing semi-naked,performing the most of the erotic dances to anyone who helps them get intoxicated, to my utter surprise, the ladies themselves were not insight, the pub was a den of men drinking some cheap liquor being served from a metallic tank. In fact, I was the only one taking labelled liquor.

At the onset of dawn, I hit the road for the lonely staggering walk back to the hostel only to find my idiot of a human being announcing to fellow first years that he had been the first one to hit the jackpot with manufactured noise to scare show off his prowess with morning glory rendition for the whole hostel floor to know he was leaving a dent somewhere.

After days lectures, I retired back to my room for some rest only for the coil to blow as I was in the middle of kitchen gymnastics leaving me with no option but to force half cooked food into my alimentary canal. As if that was not enough, my friends popped in claiming they were hungry only to clear the half cooked food after which I became the centre of ridicule how I cooked ‘poison’ with the aim of reducing their days on earth.

Three months later as the semester was on the corner about to wind up . I decide now is the opportune time to fine tune some girl after immense peer pressure from those friends who started to think I might not be normal. There were many ladies in my ‘to do list’, however, there was this one who caught my eye since every time I met her I stopped thinking clearly.

So I asked her for a night out, ready to invest on her since Higher Education Loans Board (HELB) had made an unannounced entry into my account as I hopped  for better returns at the end of the night so that I can prove the doubters and haters wrong. After spending eight hundred shillings on four cans of Guarana and two hundred on transport to and fro, when it was time for the main event of the semester to take place,my idiot of a roommate refused to board leaving me with no option but to sleep peacefuly after wasting Ksh 1,000.For the boy child 1000/= shillings can buy 10, 2Kg packets of maize meal ‘Ugali’, 100 chapatis, and 10 Sportpesa jackpot bets back to back, that’s how serious a thousand shillings is.

Continous Assesment Tests (CATs) stream in faster than lectures, classes are full to the brim making seating a preserve of early risers, reading between all the lines, visiting the library hoping that the exams will reflect what you learnt only for the lecturer to give an application out of nowhere leaving you with no only option but Uncle Google who will return the question with ‘Did you mean’ a clear indication the answers aren’t online, your external back up hard disk ‘mwakenya’ is rendered irrelevant, long neck theory is fruitless as your wing men are filling their booklets with song lyrics as you start scratching your head praying not to land a supplementary.

After the CATS, its exams time. After familiarity with the drills, like sitting at the front to avoid suspicion, recording while reciting your notes, so that when you go to the exam room your work is to press play and let your pen do the magic. I come out from every exam first, and in most cases smiling, but when the results come out, its the other way round, I lead from the back.

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