THE VILLAGE SENSATION

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My village can never ask for a better son. It was not my original idea to write this. It is not right to blow my own trumpet, secondly I don’t need to make myself known to the world, it knows me already.

Maggy, the intern who arrived in our office two weeks ago has been drinking from my well of wisdom felt that I should pen down something about me to inspire the generations to come. Here is all I could coin up from my endless list of vast achievements.

My Reputation; If you had once been to Kaa Chonjo, the noble village I hail from you must have heard off me, well maybe you didn’t hear them talk of Mr. Ben because they prefer calling me Mheshimiwa. You must be wondering how I earned that title at only 36 years. Am going to be selective because justifying my name alone will need half novel. Elderly women call me mheshimiwa the day I attended a fundraiser to build Migwani church , rumor has it that this name has been in use since I was in high school two decades ago.

If you had been to Kaa Chonjo then am sure you saw the red house with rough cast walls annexing the only passable road in the area. The church is there because I mobilized a fundraiser that raised the twelve thousand needed to coat the walls. That is just one of the fundraisers I have taken part in without invitation and from time to time I have heard them chant my names in praise songs as I dished out bundles of brown notes in brown envelopes.

My good reputation traces its origin way back to Kaa Chonjo primary school. Before me the school had never produced a pupil who scored 300/500 marks in the final national exams, a fete I achieved when I scored 301 marks making it to top 10 in the county being position one in our location, sub-location and division. I didn’t stop shocking their world when I graduated from my high school with a C+, a grade that as expected has not been challenged for almost a decade.

I didn’t even tell you that when Migwani High was branded a National school.I was the school president and donned a maroon blazer to cement my authority. My high school teachers will tell you that students like me are hard to come by as I graced their careers on numerous occasions. In short it was a pleasure having me join their school.

Before I could even master the periodic table villagers were already optimistic that the heavens have now remembered them listening to their cries and prayers of producing the first medical doctor. However,inside me my urge was to read news daily on national television. You should have listened to the lecture I gave to Migwani Self Help group that I had smartly crafted and titled as ‘ten steps to success.’

The Business man; I’ve perfected the art of making the most I can out of the little I have. If Jack Ma was serious he should have known me by now because my investment portfolio has been used by various students as thesis in local colleges. Let me take you back to high school when I hawked bread in the dormitories shortly after evening preps. That was just the breakthrough into the world of business. At form two I had convinced the Deputy Head teacher to make the barbershop facing the school gate the official School barber shop,Kinyozi .

The bald guy who ran it gave me some good cash every end term, after which I gave the Deputy some cut; that’s how cartels operate anyway kickbacks everywhere. That was simply genius! it doesn’t matter where the cows graze so long as they give milk. It amazes me how God bestows so much abilities in a single brain.

Fellow villagers who seek solace in alcohol drinking their stress away every weekend can take you to Uncle Ben’s one stop joint with their eyes closed. Uncle Ben’s joint is the most recent investment that now sits in the helm of my shouting portfolio. The tavern is housed by the only brick house that has stood as a landmark in the market.

Am told that before I was born the brick house that I had purchased for a grand sum of 12 thousand shillings used to host the Chief’s camp. Just opposite the Joint is Ben’s video room that has been there since the 2004 season when Arsenal won the most recent premier league trophy. Our campus television held an exclusive feature on me when I was in my 3rd  year because my M-Pesa outlet was doing well, I owed students an explanation on how I balanced my studies and business. If I declare my net worth here then maybe a team would be deployed to scrutinize my finance accounts first thing tomorrow morning.

Exposure; If you are not following me on twitter then probably you don’t have a smartphone. Way before media houses with their third generation reporters started including hash tags in almost everything they said I was sweating it out trying to explain to folks in the village how social media works.

The head teacher of Migwani primary had to skip a class just to marvel at one of my numerous sessions on Skype. He clearly could not understand how i talked to that bald guy on my laptop as though he was behind the screen. That is just how digital savvy I was, I still am.

When I boarded the regular nissan that plied the route through the village I broke a record. Save for my brother who had made it to Mombasa no one had traveled out of the village, leaving the two of us as the widely travelled individuals. Nandi and Kapsabet are towns I have lived in while Nakuru knows me by name. I will make a history next month when I travel to Nairobi to defend my Masters in theology dissertation.

During the last election period I got to meet so many dignitaries. My car would look better if I didn’t hire it out to a friend who was campaigning for a ward representative position only to lose in the chaotic party primaries, though he paid up it wasn’t enough.

My KDF 169J was the first vehicle to sleep in a homstead within the village . You cannot know it is a probox without me telling you since I pimped it to the extent everyone in the village thinks its a Mercedes with a Benz logo painted. That aside, the other dignitary I met was seeking my help in funding his trips and was quick to mention the stories of my generosity and selfless deeds.

Well now let me bring the most important part of this. I know you are already itching to do a copy-cat of my indisputable milestones but let me warn you of a couple of things. Being famous is one thing and handling the fame is another, probably the most difficult thing. If you are set to be a sensation then you must know you will have to walk under a limelight, cautiously. Number two, is the concept of communal ownership. You must learn by heart that you belong to the villagers. You will realize you are the only oasis of hope that they have to drink from time to time.

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