THE MILLENNIAL: OF LOOSE TONGUES AND QUICK FINGERS

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Bottomline: Millennials are as offensive as they are sensitive to any topic, talk about the rat that bites then blows on a finger

The unsolicited opinion of a millennial is fully exhibited by the rate at which their fingers fly across a keyboard, letter after letter in quick succession. I’m talking about shouty capitals, multiple exclamation marks brought together with the power of the special finger emoji. In a world consumed by hate, forced ‘diplomacy’ and Donald Trump, you would think we would have something better to aggressively tweet about, but no, we are too fixated on Jane’s improper use of ‘you’re’.

Millennials are as offensive as they are sensitive to any topic, talk about the rat that bites then blows on a finger. It takes literally nothing to trigger one into a passionate rant on other people’s business, it is in the generation, it was written in the stars that we would turn out to be so nosy.

Exeunt manners
It is this very nosiness that turns their heads when they hear her. From how her heels clack on the tiles, to the whiff of her Chanel perfume, the millennial feminist sets everyone around her quacking in their boots. I’m talking about that no-nonsense lady that sets her overbearing but slow witted boss straight with her silently envious colleagues whispering from office corners to washroom quarters. It is so apparent they constantly take notes within their minds as she comes because once she leaves, the blow by blow retell of how she sat, walked and talked would baffle you. She carries herself with the confidence of a woman who knows she is the centre of attention in the room thus you are a fool to think otherwise.

Joan of Arc incarnate
Our feminist is steel clawed with sharp words. She knows a foreign language; exclaiming in French when shocked, that is why she uses chopsticks in a Chinese restaurant, because she is worldly and outgoing. It is also why chauvinists do not rest when it comes to her. From quoting holy books on the required submissiveness of a woman to singing praises to women who sleep by the fire like Cinderella to make their husbands happy. Unfortunately, the said women flatten themselves to a doormat for tar coated shoes- the stain would still show.

Matter of international concern
“So he just left you?” she concludes after you narrate your ordeal. She smelt your vulnerability the moment you walked in, now she swoops down for the kill like the rumor vulture she is. Never mind that she was at your place less than a month ago. While you bought her expensive chocolate accompanied with a whole night of sappy movies, she repays you with video calls to your enemies, their high-pitched laughter scathing as she describes your swollen tear stained face.

Grape vine
Information is the most powerful weapon one can wield in this day and age, it’s all about who said what. Your relevance depends on the juicy details you can provide about a person and how dramatic your gestures are when saying it. To the sharpened story telling skills of our generation, cheers.

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