RELATIONAL DIALECTICS

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Bottomline: If you do not want such struggles connected to relational dialectics, then it is only better that you do not engage in prompt, hasty and creepy relationships just for the sake of it.

I’m well placed and symmetrically centrally balanced atop this 2 foot 7 metallic bed with white sheets under me; and four pillows envisaged with some floral, fiesta pattern from a distance are holding my head in unison.

I have had a run-in of heavy, colic sleeps in the recent past, courtesy of my study leave. I’m still pursuing masters in Education at the famous Kenyatta University revolutionized by the awe Olive Mugenda. I am sleeping so heavy and my Midas touch shows even no sign of abating.

” Come on, you will not sleep around like this. I’m long done with breakfast and your derailed slumbers are incapacitating me from carrying on with other household chores… Including scrubbing of those mugs you shall use for tea Quincy,” “We cannot leave this way… Until when?” My wife Hirla complains.

For four weeks now, she has been staging queer fustian, philippic harangues which have almost had me spend limitless hours outside. More than 8 hours averagely a day. We are snake and cat and Hirla and I just cannot share a common bubble of psychological, physical, emotional, spiritual nor even economic space. Our relationship is wild fire; spreading to lengthy ends as wind patterns change, day in, day out.

Many men out there experience the same fair share of turmoils between them and their relational counterparts. Many others still seldom find time for their flowers-in-the-house just like me and enjoying a smooth, frictionless communication mechanism is something hard to come by, just like manna falling from the skies in a 21st-century 2019.

Let us quickly zero in on what you (the two of you) might be facing and deduce some possible, viable criteria for solving the same to help you avoid a nasty series of rhapsodies with someone you ostensibly shall spend the better part of your youthful, even adult life together. And maybe on long-term basis.

To begin with, relational dialectics entails an apparatus for interpersonal communication patterns that come up between individuals once they maintain a relationship. The relationship in such case could be marriage, courtship, casual-youthful dating and relationships orchestrated along the corridors of such stipulated dynamics.

Here, we lean more on the tensions and struggles in your relationship, notwithstanding grilling with emphasis that relational dialectics examines the “thing you are having” and its potential effect on firstly, the two amidst relating parties and secondly; the struggles between the couple and society.

I would love to start off by vindicating all men that have retrospectively been accused, judged and scapegoated before the public and societal eye for being the cause for family break ups and shake ups.

Relational dialectics will with surety assure you that predicaments within circles of love triangles are often inevitable and largely improbable. So no cause for alarm Mr. Man, for your counterpart could as well be the pebble devoid of a flaw. And we all know and will concur that it is better to have a diamond with one.

Some of the constraints will cut along the lines of monies. Financial constraints is something normal and realistically relatable between couples and society and also between relating parties, especially along matrices of intimate relations. Infidelity, religious differences, mistrust, dishonesty, alcoholism, extreme poverty and sundry come in.

Yet again as contributing factors to a relationship facade laboured with such aforementioned struggles. Some partners will in present time leave counterparts after the latter have had issues to do with aspersion directed to their belts. Everybody cares about Public Relations, right?

So, how then do we avoid frictions of such kind in our relationship courtyards and alleys? How do we make sure it does not get nasty and comes down prudently, like the best of both worlds to have the two of you parted. The two of you separated… Divorced maybe. Here, we shall go ahead and open a whole Pandora’s box.

Respect comes in cringe as a factor. We all want to be respected. To this end, it is privy to understand that respect is earned in a relationship, never is it given on some silver platter.
Solid communication systems and paths – You aren’t living with a robot / zombie / Disney World, movies’ fictional kind of person. She or he is human as you are. Fluidity in the way and manner in which both entities in a relationship convey messages and share meaning should be aptly sophisticated if the relationship itself is to withstand the test of time.

Proactive conflict management agendas – Family life could become as real; with heated arguments, squabbles, treacherous accusations and counter accusations, drama, specks of reality and all these influence the emergence of conflict courtesy of their reprisingly irking nature when directed to either of the parties engaged in a relationship.

Agendas encircling management of feuds occurring within relationship circles should be enacted. The media by itself has a role in ensuring certain agendas are set and worked on – solely for the bigger benefit of the greater Kenyan public. Poverty, love – bound suicides, family negligence, women succession rights, widows’ I’ll treatment, marriage of same sex among Kenyan communities are issues of great concern. Yet they are the stories that are hardly touched albeit being supposed to teach your future son. To this end, suffice is to say a big problem lies within the horizon.

Courtship comes in vitally handy. If you do not want such struggles connected to relational dialectics, then it is only better that you do not engage in prompt, hasty and creepy relationships just for the sake of it. Take it slow, probably on the low as Burna Boy would have it put or maybe slower even.

You need to get to know each other and also most importantly familiarize with each others’ strengths and weaknesses. Get to know what she likes; whether she prefers her coffee with no sugar, her vegetables with no salt, steamed and not entirely cooked through rigorous heating. All this you will not know in time to tell whether they are people you can rely on to commit yourself to them for an entire lifetime whose longevity might be endless and limitless.

So it is yet another day. Hirla is well outside this afternoon sweltering sun in a bid to tend and fend for her to-die-for orchids’ garden. She has planted a lot more conspicuous flowers…scenty, some even rheumy, magenta, teal and sundry. My friends have particularly come to fetch me early in this scenario.

We are to head downtown for a boozing affair and hours later; this will come to be the cause for a heated argument and an inevitable scolding from my wife. Hirla will rant, later cry the entire night. I’m still young and seldom used to such colloquial unfoldings and abhorrent scenes. To which end I hit the sac prematurely and with somewhat a heavy heart.

To sum up with, no human is perfect. In relationships precisely; patience, honesty, trustworthiness, integrity, and loyalty are the hallmarks for a frictionless relationship. Also, there isn’t actually a frictionless love triangle, circle or square. Whatever it is, it has to come with its own fair cup of sufferings. Not which you cannot handle as a duo of course in the case proper communication flow exist amid your love – guided relationship.

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