MOM’ED UP

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Just a lil’ girl, budding into womanhood
Just a freshman at college
My life is what I’m struggling for
And my dignity is what I’m seeking to protect
But I’m not feeling so strong enough
My flesh thickens and my skin’s glowing more
A glow that unfortunately brightens up my misery
The insecurities are overwhelming
Not to mention the caving in of the walls
Within I got a life moulding up
In the inside I feel the chills
Outside, the signs are beginning to show
My greatest fears manifest;
I am too young to lose the freshness of my youth
And so I’m thinking of creeping back to my innocence
That’s where my mentalities draw me
Withdrawing me from the rest
Where did my prayers go wrong?
Did I have to go through this kind of cold?
The thoughts of a lifetime commitment eats me up
Last night you were telling me you’ll be my side
But this morning you got tears rolling down my face
Maybe you just needed me to warm your groins one last time
I begin to notice the coldness in your heart
You’re a monster now
And you’re not willing to take me home with you
So I’ll have to deal with this on my own
You’re so pretty much insensitive
But it won’t affect me anyway
‘Cause my therapy is at the top notch
Perhaps you got no love,
Thank Heavens I don’t share in that world
And for that reason, I’m going to carry on
I conceive an angelic soul, you conceive evil
You bash me, I gain a double measure of power
Broken pieces could be fixed
At least I still believed in that
There’s no better day than that when my little Angel arrived, along with the chorus of the dawn
On this particular day,
My little one lets out his very first cry
And my whole being lightens up
I don’t feel scared or messed up anymore
Funny how dark memories could be the start of something so special and perfect
Out of all the struggles, we emerge victorious
And from there I find his name
He kept me going and from him I find a reason to move on
His language is what I understand best
Out of my teats, he finds solace and from there, he grows
Hello Baby,
I have watched you all through your milestones
Am so glad you came along and gave me the title
I will not try to beautify our past
But one thing’s for sure, the future is for us to savour
I will give you my all
Take all my love, you deserve it
Take all I own, I grant it all to you
Every breathe I breath, it is for you
Every step I take, it’s because of you
We’re happy together
We will be even more as we go on
We will define our love, through the dark times and through the light moments
And I beseech you never to take up the mistakes that befell my youth
Find your soul mate
Respect her and do not play games with her heart
Give her your jacket when it’s cold
Trade your love with hers and be sure it is true
And even when she is away, never let your heart forget about the love
When you feel you need more but your heart won’t let you have it,
Find your strength in contentment
But when it goes all wrong and love does not count anymore,
Do not be so selfish and do not cow away from the difficulties
Face it and let rationality prevail
I take myself back to the time I was seventeen
Then I realise this is totally out of what I dreamed of
And sometimes I feel this is not okay
Everything I promised myself, I wonder why they never came to pass
The desires I had for my unborn, not even half I got to achieve
Where is the self-discovery before parenting?
Where is the comfort I promised to grant to my little one?
How did I arrive at this chapter of my life?
It happened too soon
Sometimes I feel worn out
Wondering when I will make right my mistakes
And how his wounds will be stitched when they suddenly show
I need to learn more
I am not the perfect that has ever been
But to him, I know I can be the best
My hopes are rising
I am believing and growing more each day
I am more resilient, stronger and more charged
After all, I am a formidable young African mother and confidence is my pillar of strength
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Annie Odeka
The beauty of my youth is what drives my desire to grow older because I'm always convinced that when it fades, there will be a whole new chapter of beauty waiting; the beauty of old age. Sounds ironical, right? But that's what I'm made of. I'm a puzzle that's difficult to solve. The out-going introvert and the fire that cannot be quenched with water. It's hard to be me at times but my enthusiasm for life always keeps me tracking and reminding me that I gotta be just me and nobody else. That's the reason why I like to show to the world what I'm made of and the adventures this world has taken me through.

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