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Bottomline: His online and offline appearance were in sync, men don’t use those filters we are accustomed to thus what you see is what you get just like on his Instagram pictures.

It’s every man’s dream to be in a relationship with a woman who will openly turn down advances from other men who are financially well off and physically endowed. From his perspective this is the ideal woman but as a man he has the option of going after other women attractive or otherwise when it suits him. However, men tend to be relatively upset when a woman turns down their advances standing by their decision, she just wants her guy? Don’t you think you are being selfish?

Most of my peers think that its okay to hookup with other people even when you are dating once in a while. This is after one suggested she had been ‘alone’ for close to 5 months after their university ordered a closure following a strike. Worsening the situation is the Corona pandemic that will extend this period further after the emergency closure of all learning institutions.

She was mocked and branded for being stupid because as she is here preserving herself the guy is out there living his best life. “As long as he hasn’t put a ring on it baby girl, you owe him no explanation for anything and everything “, one said. Which brings me to ask, why do we date?

So I met this guy on Instagram and we started chatting it off until it was time to meet. After many months of being “unavailable” I just decided to do it once and for all so he would stop pushing it. Am sure most women can relate on how they never want to meet up with these people who ‘bother’ your on social media inbox yet you don’t want to sound rude because he has done nothing wrong its just you being you.

After receiving the directions to the meet up point, there we were. His online and offline appearance were in sync, men don’t use those filters we are accustomed to thus what you see is what you get just like on his Instagram pictures. Campus bedsitters, blasting music, poor lighting where I could barely see anything, I already knew what would go down.

Maybe this is why I never wanted to come in the first place. Only my cousin knew where I was in case of anything. Deep inside I was praying not to be a victim of what I heard from friends of friends whose such encounters ended in tears. We talked and laughed after asking him to lower the volume which he did with zero hesitation. Actually he was pretty nice. I had fully judged him without even saying a word. My bad. We had our lunch and when it was time to leave he walked me to the bus station and said I should text him when I got home. I don’t know about you but I always find this statement really sweet and intimate.

Fast forward to the second meeting when I was at home for my short holiday. I wasn’t sure we could meet up this time because my schedule was pretty tight. But there’s a thing about him he always tries to make time for everything. He made it possible, Sunday it was. (I love guys who show effort). So this time I went being all free because I knew I had nothing to worry about. While at it he started invading my space and I was really uncomfortable. I shifted from where I was seated and went for the couch.

”Why are you doing this, I already told you I have a guy surely you just don’t get it?”

This was me being disappointed because I just seem to never learn. I trust people easily ending up being disappointed. I started wondering why I even agreed to come in the first place yet I have a boyfriend. I don’t need to know any other guy for now. But I was just hiding in the notion that I have a social life aside from having him, maybe that’s where I got in wrong, again.

I took my leave because he just stayed there looking at me without saying anything. Shame or guilt, I don’t know. This time I saw myself off and I knew I never had to tell him when I got home. Let’s just say that was the last time we spoke, no checking up if I reached home well, whether I was safe, no nothing.

We should normalize just having a good time without having to be sexually involved. Of course which guy wants to hear this, right? Especially if you haven’t contributed anything to my coming like fare, just stop assuming everyone will give in just because you bought them a plate of chips.

If you say you are dating then just respect what you have with your partner, know your limits. It’s not a matter of having the ring but building yourself in terms of managing your feelings allowing yourself to enjoy whatever it is you do with your partner. Don’t bring in the issue of being in your “whore phase” as this is you justifying your cheating, which is non-existent in the first place, but I think that’s a story for another day.