LIES WOMEN TELL

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Bottomline: she is in your past and am your future yet she follows her everywhere from Instagram to Facebook using pseudo or proxy accounts confirming if you have liked any of her pictures or updates or if she has tagged you on her updates

Daughters of Jezebel have mastered the art manipulation fabricating statements with various connotations that are neither here nor there leaving sons of pharaoh with arrays of ideas on what they mean or meant to mean. This sentiments are far from half truths but closer to lies which aren’t to be flagged down.

The more you try to understand them the more you misUnderstand them yet you are not supposed to question unless you are sure of winning the ensuing verbal exchange followed by a protracted cold war forcing you to apologize for having ‘trust issues’ on your side in the relationship;

We are going for a road trip with my friends; this is the grandmother of all scams locally and internationally. We all know women and spending their own money can’t fit in one sentence,written or spoken more so on ‘stupid’ things like vacations or road trips. Her phone will be off during the road trip yet photos will constantly suffocate her audience with real-time photos on Whatsapp status, Instagram feed with multiple videos on Snapchat. Her phone is on only that you have been taken care of by the block button.

He is my brother’s friend; how does she know her brothers friends. Who is this brother of ours who introduces his friends to her stunning sister.The introductory part may be an oversight but who allows his friends to have constant communication with their sister. This statement doesn’t add up it is just another excuse meant to divert your suspicion with the ‘brother’ clause.

I don’t care about her; she is in your past and am your future yet she follows her everywhere from Instagram to Facebook using pseudo or proxy accounts confirming if you have liked any of her pictures or updates or if she has tagged you on her updates. If she posts those throwback photos for old times sake then you will know this statement is a fraud. You will be forced to ask your past to pull down the post for the sake of your future.

You are better than my Ex; African boyfriends like African leaders are worse than their predecessors. Wait until you ruffle her feathers all hell will break loose as you will be given a dress down of how you are one useless being she has been tolerating with her Ex being better in all aspects.

Am at My cousins; when she has slept or is about to go for a sleep over at another guy’s palace she will call or text you she is at her cousin’s place to avoid any suspicion.  This text or call is usually made when she is pantyless in another guys T shirt when the guy is in the washroom or nowhere near her.

We will talk tomorrow there are no lights; there is no easy way of avoiding someone like blaming something else. When she is not in the mood of having a conversation the phone charge will be blamed with unavailability of power connection taking the blame. That day her power bank won’t be mentioned anywhere unlike the days when it comes in handy to salvage the situation.

He is just a random guy; This is statement is accompanied by how a nuisance that son of pharaoh is with constant calls and texts. In this era of blocks and report as spam there is no man in any ladies contact list,inbox of Instagram follower who is a nuisance. They are just not through with the interviewing process to be the next guy in the picture after you are edged out on a ‘this thing ain’t going anywhere’ technicality.

Your can stay at your mum as long as you want; mothers and daughters in laws have a not so good history of rivalry on who owns you. The only place in history where a mother and daughter in law had a good relationship is in the Bible where Ruth and her mother in law,Naomi had a special relationship. The rest are in a never ending tug of war with the boy-child in the middle. You are damned if you side with your mother, you are damned if you side with your wife so when you are told its okay to overstay at your mother’s place during the holidays know that she doesn’t mean it.

Am in a noisy place I will call you; they never call back after this statement which is usually a diversion to not asking her further questions on her current whereabouts which is not inside the noisy Ngong Road or Rongai Matatus. She is at an after party she never told you about, a bash you will only hear of from her friends or she is in the company of some Nigerian or Congolese nouveau riche in some members only uptown lounge drowning themselves (her alongside some friends she tags along) in an ocean of expensive drinks before they end up in their apartments for some after party retreat.

Just tell me I won’t tell anyone; the same way there is no honor among thieves there is no secret among women, She will coerce you to tell her something which she will continuously use to blackmail you for regular favors here and there before sharing with her ‘relationship advisers’ when you have issues, left her or you are about to leave her

I promise  I won’t be mad; a trap you should approach with caution. It is usually used to get the real truth which is followed by the real madness that she had promised not to portray before the truth is uploaded into her central nervous system. She will go silent for days as she digests how to deal with you as she has already dealt with the truth.

I will be ready in five Minutes; the mother of all scams responsible for lateness when attending church sermons, weddings,get togethers, corporate events Et al its usually followed by give me a minute I will be with you. What is it with ladies and five minutes anyway.

He is just a good friend; this statement is much more dangerous than he is my brother’s friend. It conceals a not so good historical crimes about the past, present and future relationship between the two; her and the just a good friend that is responsible for breakups and divorces. Genuine friendships have accompanying titles like hommie,campusmate, classmate, colleague etc

Night out with friends; women and spending their own money in one sentence is a lie. There is a night out yes, with friends yes but who are the facilitators/sponsors/benefactors of the night out since it’s not a corporate event. What you aren’t being told is the facilitators will keep the drinks flowing and they will end up in their apartments to keep their end of the bargain, no freebies.

Imagine am not Jealous; says someone who likes all your photos on Instagram and Facebook status updates so that you know she has everything covered. How you reply to comments will be questioned with all female photo likers who aren’t family being profiled properly then background checks on any relationship current or otherwise being investigated by her team of friends who will send them friend requests to monitor them on her behalf.

You are My 4th and Last Boyfriend; the ancestor of all scams no woman will tell you you are boyfriend number five or above as they will lower their bonga points. No man will stomach being any number higher than four this is a fact all ladies are aware of that’s why you will be boyfriend number 2 or 3, 4 is for those sons of pharaoh who have done their homework ‘well’ or have been around her life for sometime to know the 3 previous boyfriends.

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