LADIES THE WORLD CUP HEADACHE IS HERE…

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Ostensibly, almost 80% of the entire world’s masculine race are football fanatics.There are those who are fans because of the game, there are those who watch the game so as to have something to say when the big boys meet up for their usual pep talk which revolves around football and there are the gamblers, yes investors who bet in all games be it Panama against Tunisia.

One way or another, almost everyone gets affected by the game which is a “gem” to almost all men of all walks of life.notwithstanding, I still fancy women to be the biggest losers of this season as betting firms shall be restlessly busy counting heavy returns with our bed ridden nation when it comes to poor man gambling till somewhere mid July when curtains will fall.

Not all but most men are into football those who aren’t into football happy mothers and women’s’ day in advance . Kenyan men in particular will have to seriously reconsider the sumptuous wedding vows they made at the alter, the tiring, cranky and gruff distance you two had to bare walking down the aisle. men would have to vitally think and re-examine their queer devotion when it comes to conjugal rights ;this will definitely have a grueling effect on their wive’s feelings and emotional make up as they leave the house at AM and come back at AM the following day in the name of watching football.

With the cup underway, less than 32 teams battling it out for supremacy, almost each among the global continents duly represented , with 64 games beings aired by various television stations; here are the possible effects the competition will have on the populace especially concerning romantic relationships.

Drunk Month; This is the only month other than December when Christmas demons give  your husbands and boyfriends the licence to drink. Your sorry husband shall turn in to a drunk, plain as it sounds. Yes he will surely orchestrate that. Making sure each time he knocks on your door, a dense stinking vapor of a whole night’s keg drinking spree is one that says good morning first instead of the guy himself.

More than several scenarios I have had to watch football matches in public; be it in pubs, lounges, bars,joints and even the local ” bandas” which broadcast Premier League matches. Everyone is on the fervid run to mint some extra yet lucrative cash. Liquor would be sold as a side hustle – double its usual prominent price mark you.

Honestly, no man would dare sit 1 hour 30 minutes without a sip. right? With undecided games at regular time, your men will have no other option but to ” ongeza glass” disturbing the waiter, mhudumu every now and then with some demonic and sheepish slogan ” Acha nilewe, nilewe tu,” until the tie is ultimately broken either A.E.T or on penalties.

Beast of Burden; A match scheduled for 0900 hours. This kind of match goes on to say 2330 hours earliest if the teams refuse to board the plane home and its the last 16 it may go into extra time then penalties.Then comes in the post match analysis which takes an hour followed by the next match analysis which also takes an hour then their own analysis which takes two hours or more depending on the flow of alcohol

Albeit watching alone, men will multi task.privy, they are not so good at this and in most cases you women shall catch them red handed. Before the FIFA competition even things of summarizing itself, husbands shall have perpetrated certain bales of crime and walk away with them scott free. Drinking and clubbing until wee hours of the fateful nights – or even the following mornings. Ladies should try exercise patience, perseverance and tolerance should they worry about their health and the possible fact of them contracting higher systolic pressures and lower diastolic ones.

Your beloved husbands will undoubtedly manhandle you women from your cosy sleeps. You probably are expected to rise early for job the following morning and he comes correct as alarm for you. At the doorstep exactly by 5 in the morning. Worry not, it only lasts for a month and things shall automatically fall back to normalcy.

Spendthrift; He is not watching that match alone but with ” friends”. He probably has the company of seven Guinness bottles and some roasted meat ‘nyama choma‘ beautifully barbecued on top of the hot charcoal grill at some hidden joint. Most probably from the day’s profit from family business only to squander it drinking himself to oblivion.Well, expect a very irresponsible husband or rather man at least for a month. By the way don’t bother cooking for him, you will be frustrated as your food will go cold and end up in the dustbin after all the hard-work you put in to showcase your kitchen skills. This is the time for the other woman to enjoy the company you have always enjoyed, yes that side chic Mpango wa Kando.

Neglect; Ladies, I sincerely sympathize with your cup of sufferings. Not that I can help or intervene in any way. Lonely should be your third or fourth name for the month. You won’t have sweet time with him. No, that would’nt be possible with his new catch which is none other than ” World cup and liquor,” Not until either Germany, Spain, Brazil, France or Argentina surprise us by clinching the FIFA golden prize at the periphery of the world cup affair. Whether you choose to get yourself a non – football fan bozo boyfriend; famous as a “mzembe” back from where I come from for the time or choose to bare with it all is the big question demanding answers be supplied to it.You might receive no call or text during this time don’t worry much, what is important is being alive ‘ Cha Muhimu ni Uhai’

Moods; Who said men don’t get mood swings, infact these are the people who ‘catch feelings’ easily wait until his favorite team is dumped out or his bet goes south you will see how hell has no fury than a man whose team has just lost the World Cup courtesy of the referee, VAR and an overrated Arsenal player in his team.  If Brazil has to go through another traumatizing defeat at advanced stages of the tournament, and your man is a die hard fan; woe unto you wife. No one really likes defeat, not even me. The shoddy and lackluster ones are even more irking and heart stubbing. Understand him should he behave in any cynical way. Any manner to suggest he is cranky and gruffly. It is obvious his team lost last night and he cannot find a way to stomach the feeling.

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