Bottomline: All I want is someone who will boost my son’s confidence by helping him come off his training wheels, someone who will remember his birthdays and give him tips on boyhood…
It is never about the entitlement, it is about wanting the best for their children. Those little angels make a great part of their world. Single mums want you to know.
Last week I was intensely frustrated and so much inclined to believe that my son’s father would never act his part. If you know my story, which I believe I have always told, then you eventually know by now that I have been a single mother ever since the conception of my child. Oh! Did I tell you about that time when I persuaded him to chip in even if it was only with a pair of socks? Guess what he slapped me with.
“You know what, the only thing am certain about is that you cannot force me to do what I don’t want to plus I’m not even sure if the kid’s mine and I’m not going for no f**kng DNA test!”
That was it, such a hurtful statement for an emotional creature like me but I managed to stomach it anyway and since then, those words have always remained imprinted on that part of my brain scientists call the hippocampus. So when I say I have reached the end of it and I am not trying anymore, it is not because I gave up but because I do not want to rely on false hopes anymore. I mean, if he cannot act right with me, then I would rather let him go and maybe act right somewhere else, that is, if he even knows how “right” is done.
“Maybe it’s the midlife crisis that’s weighing him down or maybe he is going through multiple tough moments or even maybe it’s because he doesn’t have an idea on how to approach fatherhood.”
That is the response I gave to a friend of mine whom has been keeping up with all my emotional traumas ever since my man took off.
“I don’t believe you Annie, you’re such a crank.”
Jessie replied and then escorted the response with a scoff and an even more raw and powerful statement.
“Had you not been a friend of mine, I would have sent you direct to hell but since you are a good friend and I wanna be honest with you, I’d say you are a sorry excuse of a strong woman and that explains why you are always defending him.”
She has always been close by, doing all she can to ease my travail and this conversation was getting real and deeply passionate such that I could feel she was hurting inside too, hurting for me and hurting for my son.
“We all have things to deal with, some of us have even travelled to hell, fought with the devil himself and came back on earth to face his sidekicks but do we burden other people and abandon our responsibilities because of what we’re going or went through? No we don’t because even though we’re humans, we have a heart and a brain and we have the power to choose whether to be wise or foolish, right or wrong.”
“Do you still have feelings for that bozo anyway!”
I noticed how hard Jessie was trying not to lose it and get all vicious.
“Hold on Jessie, he is my father’s son and we gotta respect him for that but me having feelings for him, that’s ridiculous! Let’s just get real, after all he made me go through?”
“Respect is earned dear and so long as your son cannot recognize him as his dad, I’m sorry but he doesn’t deserve any kind of respect from you and if you are mature enough to realize this, then you should prove it and style up. Do I also need to remind you that respect is a two-way traffic?”
I was stunned at how brilliant my friend was proving to be and I can swear to the fact that that conversation managed to make me a more open minded person and I realized at that moment that I needed a more lucid and coherent person to help me raise my son as his dad, they do not have to be biological to live up to the task, right?
My son needs a father, and even though I believe I am a super woman, I am also aware that family is an important unit and that a complete family is an added advantage, so last week I posted this on my timeline and the feedback was awkwardly overwhelming. I cannot not regard it as a crazy idea but rather a rational one.
I know one day he is going to come of age and might probably read everything that I am putting down now. So, instead of putting myself on the line and jotting down the ideas of a resentful heart which will only succeed in planting seeds of hatred, I choose to instill courage in him instead.
I honestly do not want to raise a ‘girl’ for a son, no offence intended, so before that someone arrives, I will act the part and maybe be a real dad like my father was (may his soul rest in peace). We will wait patiently for the right dad but meanwhile, we will be reciting the rosary, being charitable, travelling the world, sporting, working out, planting trees, rearing rabbits, dicing apples and maybe introducing my son to his fourth language.