DECEMBER DEMONS

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Bottomline : money starts talking and you listen, it gives you suggestions that you know very well are illogical but since it overpowers your thinking thus forcing you to make the dumbest decisions ever..

Money has this itching effect, anyone who tells you money never itches him or her is a pretender, the festive season provides the most suitable environment for the itching effect of money to manifest itself.

This remains to be the only month where you have two salaries; your November salary usually hits the account on the 5th of December latest whereas the December Salary is deposited in the account latest 15th, those employed are we reading from the same script? Yearly bonuses also happen to come at this time, if you are never loaded in December yet you are employed, the person who bewitched you died without lifting off the spell.

In this month, church attendance is at an all-time low, when people have money they forget about God. Either way they will come back in January, after seeing the light when broke. It is the only month when one leaves the house at AM (After Midnight) as early as 8 am and comes back in AM as late as 7 am the following day, after A night out raving. Actually it’s the only month that nights are longer and days are shorter. This is the month when you realize food prepared in the house is very tasteless thus opting for roast meat nyama choma eat outs and those door to door pizza deliveries from selected outlets Debonairs and above

Then the money starts talking and you listen, it gives you suggestions that you know very well are illogical but since it overpowers your thinking thus forcing you to make the dumbest decisions ever. Money will tell you how Jameson from your usual neighborhood joint which is relatively ‘cheaper’ is of a lower quality, has been diluted by, its counterfeit and produced somewhere in Kariobangi North. It will go further to advice you how it might give you liver cirrhosis, kidney failure, diabetes, high blood pressure and leukemia yet you have been drinking there for a whole year. Money will therefore direct you to upgrade to another upmarket joint where the price of Jameson is attached to its ‘big’name that comes with it hence costing you thrice what you are accustomed to, since you are buying both the ‘name’ and the drink.

After using public transport and route 11 (walking) for the whole year, money will advise you on how you need to either buy or hire a car depending on what is available, it will never advice you to use taxi. Most of the time it advises on the latter, car hire. Knowing very well you don’t have a driving license you conspire with crooked members in the System acquiring it within two days, call a driver friend of yours for a two day driving crush programme in a nearby football field probably the neighborhood’s  public school, we all know these private schools have no playgrounds ave for the small bus parks. Within three days you are overtaking people in roundabouts, playing loud music with all windows open as one arm is in the“Greater Than” position. Those asking why traffic jams have been all over the city, you now got your answers. All these come with hidden costs which you will be made aware of in January.

Most of your friends have gone upcountry to join their folks; money tells you how you should also go upcountry to visit yours. How do you even remain behind when the entire neighborhood is away? Unless you want to invite those unpleasant questions of “Kwani hamnaga Ushago”, you don’t have an upcountry home? . Knowing very well the village perception a Nairobian “JoNarobi” as they are referred or other urban dwellers “JoPango” the ground will be hostile if you don’t arrive in a car with serious supporting documents inform of shopping from city supermarkets to account for what you have been doing in the city.

All bills will be yours to foot, relatives will come in handy with all kind of financial problems that need your financial intervention such as how your father’s dog invaded their farm and devoured all their maize and groundnuts thus a poor harvest yet the last time I checked with my class four science teacher dogs were carnivores i.e meat eaters;  the chief will also ambush you with a proposal to marry his daughter as elders converge at your homestead daily offer you development advice on how you can play a crucial role in ensuring the village establishes its first power plant (Posho mill) which will be the village’s lifeline. Heading upcountry in December is a trap; yes a serious trap and January always proves me right just wait and see.