CAMPUS SLAY QUEENS

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Bottomline: walking all over class distributing hugs in wholesale and hire purchase so that you can note her current cologne is different from the one she used yesterday.

Social media has given birth to this new breed of women in campus. Most of us just prefer to call then slay queens. Arguably the most conspicuous humans across all campuses, they make the campus life look like some little heaven.

In a layman’s language, a slay queen is a woman who wants to choke everyone with how classy they are, campus slay queens are divas from another planet who believe they are superior thus should be handled with ‘care’. They call it ”cool stuff” sporting these beauties isn’t a big deal

Starter pack; All they need is fame which is brought about by attention, announcing there arrival in classes with the high heels taps punctuated with mini skirts which would as well serve as handkerchiefs. They clutch their purses tightly under their armpits which won’t miss a packet of chewing gum and an emergency make up back up just in case it rains thus the eroding the make up. All set, they practice accents even Caucasians can’t conjure, have a couple of active Instagram accounts, an Infinix phone with a puppet casing which they ensure has candy crush.A sassy name such as Barbie, cutie or Sweet girl come in handy. Then here they go happily slaying!

Language; Thanks to the numerous series specifically the onset of Black Panther. These campus goddesses tweng like it is their only ticket to some Hollywood magazine cover. The “kinda” and ” like for real” make them feel like they are giving P.L.O a run for his money.But Alas minutes into the conversation the tweng is gone, true colors of broken English start manifesting as they shift to ” sheng” mixture of few Swahili and outdated English words here and there.

You will here them say; “haki woiyee” “Gosh” and ” oh my God” even when it doesn’t apply in that context. Laughing in lecture rooms at the slightest joke, the laugh is either first or last, that kind of laughter that ends up infuriating the lecturer. Whoever gives them the tutorials on how to roll eyes from left to right turning them pale white when bored deserves a Nobel prize.

Dress code and make up;  having mastered the art of drawing everyone’s attention. She puts on a sexy dress which starts too early and ends so soon.she is the type who will load her bra with anything to show her non existent cleavage to the world. She will not miss the latest fashion having contacts of the best saloonist available. She can borrow your best outfit before announce to the world that it is hers and you are the beggar .Better still she changes outfits after ever lecture, a late comer but in case she comes early, walking all over class distributing hugs in wholesale and hire purchase so that you can note her current cologne is different from the one she used yesterday. Changing hairstyles on a weekly basis, money isn’t a problem , what are sponsors for anyway? Her make up is always extraordinary conjuring a look of someone who is out from a Sadolin paint advert. Who in their right mind partners purple eye lashes with black lipstick??

Talking big; always making the world feel like it owes them an apology. They post every second of their day bragging about everything they posses from the cheap dinner dress she bought to maneuver global warming. You complement her cooking she tells you the salt has just been shipped from overseas. Her ‘boyfriend’ is the cool guy who appears on blaze billboards.

Photos; obsession with pictures they make anyone their photographer, anywhere,anytime. Mirror selfies in public toilets and Snapchat photos even during lectures is their hobby. Just by looking at a picture you won’t fail to identify them. She will make sure her knees are curved as if she is suffering from rickets, secret behind bowed legs well known to them but male pundits have attributed this antic to enlargement of their posterior ‘FUNDAMENTALS”.

Hey, now that you know who a campus slay queen is, next time you see them just say “Hello”.

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