CAMPUS MOST DATED MEN

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Ladies usually attend rugby matches due to their muscular bodies accompanied by six packs and not their understanding of the game as they practically know nothing considering they cheer everything even a foul.

After months of research in the field of dating at campus level, so as to come up with a list of most dated men and women and vice versa. Here is a list of the most dated gentlemen not male species;

Sponsors; They come in different shapes, ages and types some maybe lecturers, administrators or senior citizens who make weekly appearances on Fridays to pick their preferred weekend getaway vouchers. They are the usually older with a higher purchasing power some with protruding bellies moving around in sleek but tinted Mercedes Benz, Toyota V8 or the most recent rides in town. The presence of senior citizens is usually announced by visibility of posh vehicles maneuvering around campus on Friday evenings and Sunday afternoons as they pick and drop their weekend vouchers.. They are not after marrying the beautiful campus chic’s, their main business is sex nothing more You will hear campus girls talking of fancy trips, expensive colognes and designer clothes they got from their benefactors, old enough to be their grandfathers.

Sponsors have change the dynamics of campus dating forcing pocket average men to seek out secondary school graduates and middle level college ladies as potential dates .Comrades are in fear of their girlfriends being swept off their feet with a mere smell of easy money. Sponsors are overly generous and do not mind spending their money as long they get some young love they need.

Tier one Students; these are students who wear white overalls like lab technicians and butchers and carry funny shaped wooden boards the likes of Vincent “akina Viny”. Their pick up line is simple and confusing ‘ mi ni Viny na mi ni wa Engineering’ (‘am Vincent and am from the school of Engineering’) , after a chic hears this she becomes confused, case closed.Tier one students come from school of Medicine, Engineering and Law. A certain colleague once told me “who would want to date a teacher considering they spend ten years teaching as BOG or PTA before being employed by the Teachers Service Commission only to be paid sim sim and start demonstrating on a routine basis.” Is this a case of ladies and unrealistic calculations as my friend Steph puts it?

DDOs; Daily Drinking Officers who never fail to make drinking appearances in social joints around campus on a daily basis, courtesy of their hefty wallets. Where they get the money to engineer their lavish lifestyles is none of anyone’s business. What kind of lady would not want to date a guy who never fails to appear in such places? Plus the free booze and other value added services.

Campus investors; these are the lads that have business premises around campus. They have a steady source of income which is their bargaining power thus their main attraction point to the campus slay queens who love money and what money can provide more than anything else in the universe.They are known for their sweet tongue that makes comrades buy commodities from them. You will not see them in class but their grades are mouthwatering. With the kind of money they have, it is not surprising they outsource students with a higher intellectual capacity to do their assignments, CATs and exams. They camouflage by not walking around in fancy attires, however, don’t judge a book by its cover.do not walk around in fancy looking clothes., their pockets are heavier than our HELB loans.

The Omondi’s; Nothing confuses a Kenyan lady like a man with a sweet tongue, ‘big’ English words thrown here and there to complement them. These group of International students from Nyanza republic walk around in “ expensive suits” made in Italy, big telephonic devices and tablets even if they are made in china like my ‘ Techno ’ they will be able to convince you theirs is from China A yours is from China B, in addition to the designer shoes they suffocate their feet in. They invest in luxury as they claim they only live once so they have to live well thus utilizing the HELB loans ,by the way they never become broke, they are usually on financial off peak, no wonder all their playlists have P square’s hit song ‘Chop my Money’ . Their humongous English vocabularies and mastery of the queens’ language gives them an additional advantage. These are people who spend a fortune in their girlfriends due to their extravagant nature. The last time I came across an Omondi he told me “Luo is a software you download, install, update and it depends which version.”

Mogadishu boys; another contingent of international students that tilt the dating game. They are the campus “prince charming’s’ the likes of Adukadirs ’ .I don’t know the kind of charms they use but my guess is their natural hair which looks like mine if I apply salon based chemicals, may be the secret behind their success apart from promising chics’ that they would take them for shopping in “Dubai” to see Burj Khalifa which in essence is Eastleigh. I think its high time I started applying these salon based chemicals on my hair in this case considering the dating field is becoming competitive.

Gym goers and rugby players; these are the students who resemble the animation character ‘Masgwembe’ and the cartoon ‘ Johnny Bravo’ respectively. They spend more time in the gymnasium weight lifting compared to reading handouts. Ladies usually attend rugby matches due to their muscular bodies accompanied by six packs and not their understanding of the game as they practically know nothing considering they cheer everything even a foul. Who said one has to have six packs to be handsome, one pack ‘ pot belly’ is enough as it says everything thus positive public opinion.

Current affairs; these are the campus Google application, they literally know everything from what will be going down in town in the next two weeks’ time to the latest fashion trend in campus. They are the Mr. Know it all as they are well versed with the current rumors, hearsays and 411 in and around campus.

The Wafula’s; carrying the whole supermarket in the name of shopping and never failing to make appearances in grocery markets and butcheries on Saturdays’. They invest on kitchen based paraphernalia mostly from carbohydrates to vitamins to the extent that they have a timetable on what is to be eaten on Monday to Monday with minimum alteration. Their rooms are always well stocked with everything that passes through the alimentary canal. You will never fail to get snacks and juices in their rooms, no wonder campus ladies are always visible in their hostel rooms especially when the semester is taking a serious toll on them financially. Who doesn’t want a food secure person?

Class reps; these are male students who carry out the role of high school prefects only that their roles are advanced in nature to the extent that they coordinate lectures. They are in charge of ensuring lecture attendance sheets are marked by those in class. Initially they were always called or texted nowadays they are ‘ whatsapped’ by female students who are always missing in action (MIA ) during lectures so that they can sign attendance forms on their behalf .No wonder the lecture attendance list indicates a 100% lecture attendance while in essence only 35% are in attendance, 90% being members of the male species.

Assignment doers; these cohort of students literally know everything concerning academics be it the lecture time tables, research projects and group discussions. These are students are always used,misused and abused by their female counterparts who usually take advantage of their intellectual abilities more so when they happen to be in the same discussion/study group. Moreover sitting beside them during examinations acts as a collateral and insurance for getting automatic A’s. Who even fancies retakes and supplimentaries?

Elders; these is that clique of students the university administration refers to as senior students. Everything relating to them is senior. From senior hostels, senior lectures to senior ages. They suffer from superiority syndrome complex since they are close to clearing campus. This clearing campus story of theirs is what they use as a pick up line, ‘you know in three months I would be clearing campus so that we settle down’ what type of lady would not want to settle down. Finances are never a problem to them courtesy of attachment money and invested ‘Helbilated’ funds. Their rooms are well furnished with 3D televisions, home theatres and cloth carpets mostly animal print. These are those rooms’ female students always leave something behind, and something means anything from earrings to handkerchiefs so that they find a reason to come back again and again.

PSSP’s; which is an initial for Poor Secondary School Performers, sorry meant Private Self Sponsored Students, without the cash they bring in through the parallel the university will close down .They operate like varsity Dons as they lead extravagant lives, from their designer attires mostly from the house of Gucci and Louis Vuitton, sophisticated electronic paraphernalia such as apple laptops and tablets, in addition to the imported shoe wares from Venice that they suffocate their feet in, only to mention but a few as the list is endless.

These are students whom parents give upkeep, pocket money, maintenance fee and academic hardship allowances so as to keep them in school. Unlike the GSSPs, Great Secondary School Performers sorry meant Government Self Sponsored Students who after every academic year are busy struggling to book hostels, depend on World bank( HELB ) and their parents (IMF ) to do something so that the can live on a hand to mouth basis failure to which they threaten the government with dire repercussions if their HELB funds don’t reflect in their respective accounts. The PSSPs’ live in ‘posh’ estates free of nagging housekeepers and loitering janitors where they remit rent on a monthly basis not the “semesterial” accommodation fees by GSSPs . The PSSP students live while the GSSP survive no wonder ladies are always after them, courtesy of their larger than life lifestyle.

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