Oreo cake Photo Courtesy of www.janespatisserie.com

Bottomline: These situation-ships were the norm especially when universities send us free lunch in the name of female interns who are ‘interned’ properly and socially as they are taught how to live in town through baptism by fire

There is a female colleague who joined us in January, every male colleague was on her case, except me. I have a not so good history with these light skinned women most men of our generation chase around thanks to their glowing beauty illuminated with their skin pigmentation thanks to the back to back rejections I have been served by their kind in wholesale, hire purchase and instalments. Maybe am not their type wallet-wise or otherwise.

They had literally white washed all the self esteem I had when it came to the department of women affairs, so I gave up on them to save the few drops of manly confidence in me. Its nothing personal by the way. Furthermore, these light skinned women have stored all the darkness in the world deep inside the aorta of their hearts.

I repeat I was not on her case leaving the Kevin’s, Johntes, Dan’s, Denis’ and Brian’s of my professional world to engage in the scramble and partition process. Each male colleague, even boss-man himself was involved in the scramble and partition process complicating the arithmetic’s for junior staffers who were ‘very’ interested in her.

Yes, they were ‘very’ interested in her for short term benefits that often end in closed door  gland to gland combat between the sheets in lodgings, guest houses and city hotels considering most of them were married, engaged or in serious relationships. Regardless of the organizations code of conduct which curtails staffers from engaging in romantic relationships, this situation-ships were the norm especially when universities send us free lunch in the name of female interns who are ‘interned’ properly socially as they are taught how to live in town through baptism by fire.

Junior staffers were busy taking her to the nearby middle level lunch outlet they considered pocket friendly as they tried to out-muscle each other in their who will bed her first competition. Each day she went for lunch and evening coffee with a different person it was that tight. The competition was that tight…

However, this equation changed when Boss-man threw his weight into the ring to join the already crowded royal rumble. Boss-man was heavy; physically and financially. He upgraded her from the the ‘cheap’ eat outs the likes of Johnte used to take her for lunch to  Debonairs over the weekends, lunch at Big Square and Java House coffee in the evening.

Though Boss-man only used to do this on Fridays when he had dispatched the entire list of predators in light skins food chain to out of town stakeholder engagement forums. I was the only male colleague who used to remain in the office alongside boss-man while the rest had been sent out to assist in marketing and stakeholder engagements out of town. This was boss-man calculative move to throw them off balance as she enjoys unlimited attention and assorted ‘goods’ that comes with it. In-fact it was a technical knock out…

They weren’t happy with this new out of town marketing and stakeholder arrangements though they had to accept and move on. They couldn’t report Boss-man to the HR department or anywhere else so they decided to bite the bullet and continue making tactical forays.

I wasn’t interested in her; she knew it, all the female staffers knew it and more importantly, Boss-man knew it. This made Boss-man to tag her alongside me and female staffers whenever we had uptown activation’s, corporate dinners and high profile engagements with outspoken clients.

Her office desk was moved next to mine which was adjacent to Boss-man’s office door as a quality control measure I suppose. All of a sudden I was Boss-man’s favourite wing man accompanying him to most of these events as the company’s ‘male representative’. Sometimes not chasing a skirt can come with an assortment of benefits, it pays to look away.

Giving up is never an option more so when she is cooperating, even Boss-man’s underhand jungle tactics couldn’t bring the competition to a sudden halt. Furthermore, the out of town stakeholder engagement and marketing activities couldn’t take place every now and then.

There was no concrete evidence that Boss-man had hit the jackpot yet so the play was still on. You all know how men shift their attention from 100 to zero once they have gotten what they want from a lady they didn’t want.

World war III wasn’t coming to an end in our office anytime soon. Female staffers began gossiping how we were behaving badly, we, in this case means male staffers with the exemption of yours truly. “Who will she go out with on valentine, now that they are all over her like wild dogs?” Asked Joan Boss-man’s secretary as she was handing me some assignment that required urgent attention.

“I don’t know.” Replied Annette who was part of the committee discussing the latest office development since lightening struck male staffers after her arrival in January.

“Its tomorrow anyway we will see who has won her attention,” said Janice, who just reminded me how days had gone by fast. February 14th, I wasn’t even aware it was tomorrow I told myself as I walked out. Being single though…

I left the office tongue tied since I don’t involve myself in subjective office conversations with women, more so jealous women whom we happen to share the same employer. Yes, they were definitely jealous considering none of them has ever received a flower or chocolate from real or perceived lovers. None of them I am certain thanks to their attention seeking prowess they could litter the whole office with petals,sepals,style and stigma.

The following day being valentine, I came in late though it was not intentional neither was it premeditated. Having worked overtime to finish Boss-man’s assignment which required urgent attention within the stipulated timeline. The reception was awash with cakes of different flavors from Cafe Deli black forest, Alexandre red velvet to Artcaffe chocolate fudge.

This was unusual we have never received such mountains of cakes even during our end year party. Boss-Man was not around only he had the financial muscle to parade cakes that much. Furthermore, this is not the first time he (Boss-man) was involved in a shoot to kill competition with junior staffers involving a member of the female species.

As we were catching up with Sam,the security guy who appeared shocked on why I was late for work, which was unusual. I inquired the source of the cake mountain piling up at the reception. He smiled informing me they were all sent to Joy who happens to be the lightening that struck the office in January.

Sam asked for my help in delivering the cakes to the 6th floor so I picked up two cake boxes entered the lift straight to our floor accompanied by Sam who had two other boxes leaving unknown number of boxes at the reception under the care of his colleagues at the reception area.

Nothing serious was going on that day, so we walked straight to Joy’s desk delivering the valentine cakes from various suitors. She wasn’t there so we just placed them allover her work space.

She came in late. a few minutes past noon probably she had slept elsewhere, maybe anywhere. Here eyes were showing signs of fatigue. We exchanged pleasantries before she opened them reading letters that accompanied the cakes smiling as if nothing was wrong before handing over the cakes to me to distribute to all staffers, Sam included.

Sam went down and ferried the remaining cakes up. I couldn’t remember the exact number of cakes that were brought up, all I remember is that day I went home with two cakes having tasted all varieties of cakes from the city’s top bakers.

Emotional men who were on her case ‘caught’ feelings hiding their flowers as they requested Joan for a sick afternoon off feeling disappointed. They were hurting deep inside their pulmonary veins having been eliminated in the qualifiers.

Joy left early,probably for a dinner date. Alongside female staffers we turned the office to a cake festival arguing which cake house has the best cream, tastiest cake and best packaging. It was a JOYful day having cakes all over. They had just alighted with the jam, Joy’s traffic of potential boyfriends was that serious…




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